Tips on Accommodating your Ex – No More Doormat Syndrome
Tips on Accommodating your Ex – No More Doormat Syndrome
Do you worry that giving in to your ex’s demands about your custody agreement, parenting time or last-minute schedule changes creates a cycle where those same demands will be made again and again? Instead of feeling like a doormat for your ex to tromp all over, use the following tips to accommodate your ex ( if the situation is appropriate) while also standing up for yourself and your kids.
Set Boundaries – Draw boundary lines where they’re needed by telling your ex when you’ll be available for in-person meetings, as well as phone calls and texts. Be sure to stick to the rules you have set up. If 10 p.m. is the cut-off for text messages, don’t read or reply after 10:01 unless there’s a legitimate emergency!
Be Flexible – Try to be as flexible with your ex as you want him or her to be with you. In addition, spend less time attempting to read your ex’s intentions and deciding whether he or she deserves whatever accommodation is being requested. Instead, focus your energy on what’s really best for your kids in the situation. When you focus on them, along with your own sense of integrity, you’ll be able to make choices from a place of confidence instead of doubt and insecurity. So the next time your ex asks you to be flexible about a schedule change, consider what you think is right for your kids and in line with your principles.
Be Considerate – One of the best pieces of advice you can fall back on is simply being considerate of your ex. Treat him or her as politely as you would want to be treated. It goes back to the idea that we teach people how to treat us; in this instance, you’re setting a positive example for how you’d like your relationship to work. Trust that the energy you’ve put into being considerate will come back to you eventually. Even if your ex doesn’t respond by treating you differently, at least you’ll know that you’re setting a positive example for your kids by not stooping to that kind of behavior.
Be Your Kid’s Best Advocate – In everything that you do, be an advocate for your children. Doing only what is in their best interests frees you from any guilt your ex tries to throw your way, and ensures that a tumultuous relationship with your ex doesn’t have a negative impact on their relationship, as well.